Recovery Day 1 Eve

Recovery day one begins tomorrow! I'm scared, nervous, excited, ready, scared, worried, stressed, excited...  Scared of near days ahead of the pain and discomfort my body is about to go through.  Hoping with drawls won't be too bad from alcohol!!  A month ago I went two days and felt ok, but I think I've drank every single day for 6 weeks and possibly close to everyday since August.  It could be scary, but hopefully not.  Mostly it will be the discomfort from not purging.  I already go through major discomfort just keeping down one meal.  Besides the extreme belly pain, I get very nauseated and flat out ill.  Then besides the discomfort my body feels when eating, I also have discomfort from NOT eating.  My belly inflates like a balloon and it is OH so painful.  I'm scared. I'm nervous.  I wonder if my organs will truly be able to repair themselves.  I'm hoping my vocal chords and repair themselves as well.  I'm excited for my skin to clear up from getting the nourishment my body needs.  Curious if I will put on pounds from eating or lose pounds from not drinking any more.  The unknown of recovery from an eating disorder is exciting and scary.  It could start very bad, but the outcome is sure to be worth it!  Maybe I'll have to look at myself like I'm going through a pregnancy.  Yes, I might gain weight, I might swell up like a balloon.  My clothes might not fit for awhile.  I might feel very uncomfortable and find it hard to sleep.   When it is all over the gift will be worth it and chances are my belly will go down and my clothes will fit again.   To be honest, I am happy to have this happen to me in a place where I don't feel like I have a husband to impress.  I may just let certain things go, like shaving :)  Well, Goodnight world.  I'm soon to be very disconnected and though I will probably also with drawl from that, I know when the with drawls are gone it will feel GREAT!