Dear husband

If I died today I'm afraid of the memories I might leave you with. I'm afraid that no one sees me, that my actions over power who I truly am. I promise my heart is good. I have love and a big heart that is masked by an ill mind. Our kids have been robbed of their mom. I can easily fall into thinking they would be better off without me. I feel like every day causes more damage to their Innocent souls. They too would be left with memories that aren't pleasant. 

My dear husband, if only you knew 10 years ago what you were marrying. I'm sorry.... I'm so....so...sorry.  I know those words feel empty.  If you could see me, like really see me, you would understand..