Post Treatment

I have been home a week now. My friend asked me how I was doing, I responded that I've been OK. I said that I've been having some hard days and I've been struggling but I've been able to not engage in my unhealthy behaviors. Personally, I had hoped I would be doing better as I still had temptations  and cravings. Though my friend pointed out the fact that I've been struggling and managing to not engage. So the truth is, I'm doing great. I'm managing my stress without turning to negative coping behaviors. The truth is, these cravings and thoughts Mayhunt me for a long time. They may never fully go away. But I can see now, how they will lesson in my strength will grow. The overtime the cravings will be less and far between. 

I realize something interesting while talking to my therapist the other day. When you were in the downward spiral, first it begins with emotion and got emotional turn to a hot which eventually the thoughts will turn to the behavior.  That is typically the cycle of how our lives work.  

Well, in recovery it's the opposite. First you change your behaviors, you abstain from participating in negative ways. During this phase, it feels like nothing has changed except for that you aren't acting out. As time passes those changed behaviors will eventually change your thoughts. You will begin to find that your thoughts aren't as loud as they were before, but the impulses and cravings aren't as strong. After a period of time in this phase, you eventually realize that your feelings are changing. The negative feelings that you had about yourself transform. So right now I'm in the phase of just not doing those behaviors. Sometimes it feels like things are changing as quickly as I hoped. I'm still having those thoughts they are extremely painful. But if I can he keep holding on and keep doing the positive behaviors eventually those others will follow. Eventually, I will wake up one day and realize I'm not the same person I was.